'Something...'

Dear life..
It's a lovely Sunday evening. I am sitting inside this comfortable quilt, wearing  plush sweats. My hair are a mess, the curls dangling around my face.  Sunday the only day when I can relax but it seems that my insides are excruciating. The cold winds are blowing like an aimless passenger going somewhere. This point of time, I am trying to be calm. Somehow it seems that never ending strings of thoughts, are causing a havoc and turmoil inside me. A hurricane is arising and its going to destroy anything which will come its way, be it people or feelings.
I saw 'Something...' today and it really did broke my heart, I couldn't sit peacefully so I just decided to 'write..' Writing always calms me down, it tames my daemons, it soothes the creases of my forehead. it makes me feel  alive again.
There was this 'Something...' I came across, 'Something...' that didn't belong to me, 'Something...' over which I have no right and that 'Something...' is tearing me apart. Occasionally taking deep breaths trying to fill my lungs with maximum air, in a feeble attempt to feel alright.
 Can I shout ? Can I scream? Can I laugh? Can I cry? or Can I just stop all this... anyhow, somehow. Pain can be beautiful too, it creates a void which gives me pleasure whenever I peep inside it. A painful pleasure....
There is 'Something...' dragging me away. 'Something...' which is staying which wasn't meant to. 'Something...' which is so wrong but that same 'Something...' feels so so correct. My eyelids feel heavy, I want to sleep peacefully, but 'Something...' keeps popping up in my mind preventing me from doing the same. 'Something...' keeps shattering the windows... whenever that reflection appears on its glass. Even this cozy and opulent bed fails to keep me warm I am cold inside out. Because there is 'Something...' else that is meant to give me that absolute pleasure and comfort.
The faint tickling sound of clock keeps reminding me that this will pass just the way everything else did. I hope that this 'Something...' passes soon. 'Something...' that came walking towards me and 'Something...' which changed it's direction before it reached me. I am trying hard, very hard to prevent this 'Something...' from becoming my everything....
Trying to gather my tattered pieces and standing as rigidly as I can. Because I can't let 'Something...' collapse me again... 'Something...' is not so powerful that it  takes away my soul and my happiness.
still I never knew that 'something...' could be so powerful, something that could shake the ground beneath me, and 'Something...' which could penetrate this endless sky above me.

I wish that this 'Something...' didn't exist
from-
('Something...' which is unimportant still feels extremely important)

A Dream

As she was eloped in her land of dreams.

Every time, a new word inside her gleams.

Without those dreams, life would not have been feasible.

As these were her desires, which were totally invisible.

                                                  

There she would unite with the one, who never actually existed.

Meeting him was something which she just could not resist.

Dreaming of him had become the best part of her day.

Every single day, they would cross each other’s way.

 Being captivated in his unconditional love.

They both were like a beautiful pair of turtle doves.

Getting lost in his aroma, held within his embrace.

She forever wanted to stay with him in this place.

This place was a bliss, and as serene as still water.

That immense love and passion was all he could offer.

They had that plethora of spark and fire in them.

After waking up, all those dreams she would condemn.

Even then, every time, she would eagerly fall asleep for him.

 And every single night she would commit the same sin.

This sin of being madly in love with this man.

His beats was her life, his breath was her fan.

He held her hand and promised to never let go.

That everlasting love for her how, he always showed.

But how scared was she of this love and dreaming.

Each morning she woke up with shrill cries, screaming.

Every breath, how much she lodged for him to be real.

At last she wanted to  be only happy, without any fear.

He too wanted to come out of her dreams, and step in this real world.

And then no one could ever part them, she would sleep in his arms curled.

Every single night they met, and every single morning they parted

They did not even realize when did all of this even started.

It was once as usual, when she wandered lonely in her dream land as always.

And she stopped at the very moment when this man had crossed her ways.

She was astounded how every time she got attracted to such mesmerizing gaze.

His eyes penetrated deep inside her soul, just like a morning’s sun’s rays.

His smile cures the greatest of all her pains and deepest wounds.

And every time that intensity and gleam in her eyes, he too gets consumed.

 He wanted to be in all parts of her life and not just of those unforgettable nights.

He wanted to witness her every breath, be with her in all her blacks and whites.

Alas…!  But he forgot, he was just an illusion of her, a thought and a dream.

And every night that would just pass,  like flowing water’s stream.            

Just thoughts..

Dear life,
 I am sitting here, typing to my heart's content. that's because today i forced my fingers to do some important job, that is WRITE SOMETHING. Because it seems like ages since i last sat and did some of this work.  After that last writing competition i won. (those people still haven't given me my winning certificate.. huh)
 Today I am happy I don't know why but I am and I wish this happiness stays long this time. That is because now finally this stupid boring life is falling in place. No, no I still don't have a boyfriend while all my friends tell me about their romance and their love life I just sit and stare my phone's screen while all of them 'type..'. they taunt me, tease me, and make fun of me because they are my best friends, they complete me in all seances. They give me the most stupid ideas about how to find the 'perfect one' but i dare not even give a thought about it. I think I am happy being single and just enjoy things. ;)
 finally realizing life is beautiful.
1. People are liking my writing work
2. Lost people are coming back home.
3. New friends
4. Old friends started playing an active part
5. Great life
6. EVERYTHING'S PERFECT.
Every day seems a bit different, I smile a bit more, I enjoy things more, and I live every moment. things are going great. Yes I do miss the good old days and my stupid self. Turning back and having a glance at life never did I realize so much has changed. I still have the fresh memory of 11th class and that STUPID school. The first day, some shocking memories and so much fun. People I met there are some of my closest friends today. Though that place was pathetic but i met the most perfect people there. My writing journey started there only how can I forget the most important gift of my  life. That time, that place, was the worst phase of my life but I got something really good and fruitful from the same place. WRITING being one of the things.
All these years passed since the school days, today something I remembered and without giving a thought started WRITING. this place this time this moment will pass just like everything else did. So I just decided to freeze this moment. sitting on my study table in comfy pajamas,  it's cold outside and inside too still i choose to wear no sweaters. that's because i am busy writing and typing. Wanting to freeze this moment in this chill and dark night. Occasionally staring the white walls of this room and thinking what to write next after every few sentences.
Now I have stopped running after happiness after I realized it was always within me, I never tried to look for it inside me, while I was busy searching for it everywhere. But never did I try to find the same within me. Now I have and I am at peace, because now realizing the fact that what is actually meant to stay will stay. and what's not meant to will not, no matter how hard i try. Life is like that we don't realize. You never know the very next moment what life has planned for us. But whatever it is its the very best for me... with a silent hope and eyes full of dreams here I close this short letter.
With lots of love to give
from-
(the lost girl, finally finding her way out :,> )

A love tale

They were walking down the lane. Alas! their souls were in pain. Leaves were dancing around, nature was at its bliss. This was the place where they had first kissed. As water continued to cascade down the rocks.
Admiring that beauty, they continued the walk. Glancing at each others eyes. They could hear their heart's  shrill cries. May be this was their last meeting. So they wanted to enjoy, and no more weeping. This could be the very end of their beautiful love tale. She had become so weak and so pale. She settled herself on his chest. As for one last time she wanted to rest. Here was their moment and their time. They wanted to make it memorable, in this sunshine. For her, his hearts rhythm was the most beautiful song.
She would always remember it, even when he would be gone. He smiled, stroked her cheeks with his thumb.
with such a beauty within his embrace, his senses felt going numb. They both stayed like that for what felt like eternity. With silence eloping them, and this perfect sanity. Holding her in his arms, his demons got silenced.
 Just few more moments and she would be gone, his heart winced. He was falling apart with every passing breath. This feeling for him was worst than death. And so his grip tensed, clutching her more tight. Admiring her alluring smile, he realized, this relationship was worth the fight. And he would try his every bit to save it. Wondering how her mere sight and his dark got vanished. As if it never, existed. She changed him, for better always. So much like a beautiful morning's suns rays. She very well knew how to tame his beast. Every time his pains and evil got ceased. She was looking deeply in those big eyes. As if trying to understand his pains and those cries. He smiled and bent over to kiss her. Her lips were as soft as fur. They continued to kiss and kiss even more. He just wanted to show her, how much he adored. Oh!! how much he wished he could spend his entire life kissing her. They wanted to be like that, together forever. When they pulled apart he kissed away those tears. And promised her, they would be together always, without any fears. They would go far away and make their own beautiful world. Where every pain, every misery would be unheard. They would have their own beautiful life and kids.  And when they slept she would admire their perfect eye lids, she dreamed. They would not give up, and never fail. And would make their life a perfect love tale.

A walk of heaven

As she kept walking, the beauty around her was inimitable. Now she was free from society that was cynical.
This transformation of her to a resplendent soul. Free from playing all sorts of role. The view around her was marvelous, and the sound of birds chirping was so smooth and so mellifluous. Such was the feeling that she was unable to articulate. With such a beauty around that no human could ever emulate. she was immediately attracted to the efflorescence around. That long lost happiness she finally found.

she was mesmerized by that azure waterfall, she felt like taking a dip in natures serenity. She enjoyed being there with great felicity. She continued to walked peacefully on the bed of flowery path. She just tried to grasp all that dripping beauty within her. She touched the grass beneath as soft as fur.
 The waterfalls were so beautiful and so divine. The nature around her seemed like beautiful settled dine. The way ripples were formed when falling water gets united with the silent river. Observing such a beauty felt so pleasing to her.
The sounds of nature around were so somnolence. She wanted this walk of heaven to never end. She just lay down there , It felt so soothing and relaxing in the meadow. They were so soft and so fluffy , just like a pillow. The sky above seemed so radiant. This beauty around seemed so perfect, and so excellent

she inhaled the aroma of nature around. she concentrated on the pleasing sounds. Not even for a moment that smile left her illuminated face. She ran after the birds above, enjoying the chase. With that freedom, she was finally absolved from those bond. In this walk of heaven she was just like a swimming swan . She continued to walk aimlessly , dipping herself in that serene beauty , as the soft breeze continued to  kiss her face.
She closed her eyes, as she was so enchanted with the ethereal beauty all around. Within her there was silence profound. That serene silence has , silenced all those voices now. This walk of heaven was just turning more and more beautiful somehow. 
  

She decided at last

She was surrounded by a hundred people. Even then she felt so aloof. She had all that beauty any girl  could ever dream for, yet she was not happy. People were so delighted of her demure ways. But who could tell, that behind those beautiful eyes and alluring smile, were some unspoken truths and some of the most appalling phase.

Most good looking and well off men would drool, when she smiled, when she swayed past them. but she never gave any attention to their sparkling gems. She wanted to break all bonds and become so crazy, so crunk. She often wonders , how has her life struck in mere junks. She so much liked perichor,that is the fragrance of earth after  rains. Thinking of all those good times makes her forget all the veins.

She missed her ways of being so crisp, this whole lot of thinking made her pace brisk. So as to forget the time that she always missed, when she sounded so ebullient. Now this day she is hiding all the emotions inside, in acting this way she has become brilliant.

The way she has changed drastically today, was because the way she was parted , from the person  whom she always wanted to be with. There was the time when she used to be so 

carefree and she saw only what her heart desired to see. All she ever lived was their love and
 that felicity , such was her innocence and modesty. But was so unaware of the cruel ways of her so called high class society. All she wanted was her love back, and not this fame and royalty 

She just walked out of that hall and assemblage, she felt so suffocated amongst that cage, the cage which was filled with such  mannequins with no heart and no emotions.

Here there she was , standing in front of the huge ocean. Admiring that beauty she had decided what to do , for her freedom. There was only this azure sea and azure sky to witness her transformation. From a mere body to a free soul. She found this sea to be such a affable and approachable friend , who would finally corrode all her worries and sorrows. She just kept moving forward, for that end and some blissful beginning. Which would be so much better then this life. Finally she decided at last. 

Mirror

I was sitting in front of mirror
here I always decided what to wear

 Today I was searching myself through this reflection
As now , I am sick and tired of all the rejections

I could see that I have lost all my beauty and  charm
Everything around me seems so still, so calm

So proud was I of my charm and beauty
Today getting ready in front of the mirror, was a mere duty

Time changes so quickly, so fast
i don't  remember, when I laughed last

My eyes are digging deep inside 
Within me, a huge pain resides

Wish I could change back everything
This thought seems to me a mere dream
Wish i could fly away with wings
as usual this was one of my unheard scream

I somehow managed to stand up feeling weak and feeble 
I turned around for one last time, so as to find the real me
but all I saw was a tear rolling down my cheeks

I lifted the flower vase , lying on the floor
and smashed the mirror so hard, so that
never again I can see my reflection.......


 

Down fall

My world came crashing down

happiness were nowhere to be found

i tried hard to get up on my feet

but fell again with needs

needs of love, needs of trust 

needs were all i needed just

my path seemed scary and dark 

i am scared, how to walk till last

my vision got blurred with tears

inside me resides only fear

i was no more the charming person i used to be

i desire once again to get free 

free from every pain 

free from every desire

free from every wound

free from everything that's been torn

these stream of tears are not stopping

everything inside seems rotting

i just lay down on,  the cold floor

as i could not see my ultimate downfall

My best day

I checked myself for the tenth time 
to ensure that i just looked fine

the curly waves hanging from the sides 
looked so much similar like a breathless oceans tides

my white gown kissing the ground, like a flowing water stream
everything seemed so perfect , just like my best dream
 
the best dream of my best day
wedding the perfect moment as they all say

all ready to walk down the busy hallway 
i waited so long for this beautiful day

taking peaceful steps , with bouquet in hands
seemed like walking in some wonderland 

my eyes searching their ways out in this crowd
i was blushing hard, with my heart beating so loud

as his perfect, lovely hazel gaze met mine
as if assuring me , everything would be just fine

his lovely smile made me fall  for him all the more
now we would be together, and that is for sure

dream of my best day was now finally real
he whispered "i promise to be always with you dear"

The moon

I was standing alone in the dark night

after long, i was feeling lite

the moon seemed somewhat pale and bright

it looked beautiful amongst the cloud, white

the darkness around me was at its heights

i wanted to break all bonds and fly away like kites

life comes with such unexpected twists and turns

you never know which wind could make you run

i looked at that beautiful moon

it looked like an emperors tomb

it seemed so pleasant and so quiet

i kept staring it, just like that

it felt that clouds were trying to hide the moon

but with every passing breath it just shone

i looked at the scattered darkness all around

it scares me so much, the noise of silence hounds

i so much wanted to wrap that beauty  around

 and wear it, like queen wearing her crown 

i looked at the clock, it was moving continuously round and round

slowly, the dark vanished with the chirping birds sounds

First time

The aura of love
the sweet smelling doves

the fragrance of special one 
the feeling of being won

 emotions running down the nerves
bending of trees like curves

the taste of chirping birds' songs
makes you forget all the wrongs

the first speck of sunshine 
the beautiful settled dine

first time when the cry vanished
first time when happiness came through meshes

first time when life seemed so meaningful
first time, even the smallest thing made me so cheerful

first time when happiness was all my side
first time when my arms grew far and wide

first time when heart was brimming with love 
first time when happiness was flowing in every nerve

the first time i enjoyed this life 
and the first time i wanted to die

Memories

So strange are these 

we call them memories

 

while everything else in this world changes

only left behind are , memories which remains

 

time changes and so do people and feelings, but not memories

so much like the fan hanging on the ceiling

 

time passes by and we don't even realize

so many  laughs have changed into cries

 

while i was living those unforgettable  special moments

those have become memories, that would remain unchanged 

 

so many are these, good and bad, sorrows and worries

all i hold on tight are simply some unforgettable memories 

 

when i am living those moments again, my heart feels so lite 

my happiness knew no bounds all around me is only white

 

i close my eyes and went far away in that past 

which some time back i wanted it forever to last 

 

so beautiful are these memories

when think of them, vanishes all worries

 

even today what ever i am writing

would become a memory, unchanged

Silence

When night slowly creeps in

comes with it lots of silence

When i am looking up at the stars

i realize i am in between wars

 

Wars of choices, wars of voices

wars of likes and wars of dislikes

 

So dangerous has this become

where has disappeared all the fun

I try to search my childhood happiness

in this unexpected and sudden silence

I am looking for that time, in these empty spaces

where my life has struck in mere races

 

Such quietness all around

so stillness everywhere now

this burden of silence has

put my shoulders down

I fear loosing everything which is mine

this is all i wonder every time

asking, why is life taking such a vengeance

all i have around me is this unexpected silence