'Something...'

Dear life..
It's a lovely Sunday evening. I am sitting inside this comfortable quilt, wearing  plush sweats. My hair are a mess, the curls dangling around my face.  Sunday the only day when I can relax but it seems that my insides are excruciating. The cold winds are blowing like an aimless passenger going somewhere. This point of time, I am trying to be calm. Somehow it seems that never ending strings of thoughts, are causing a havoc and turmoil inside me. A hurricane is arising and its going to destroy anything which will come its way, be it people or feelings.
I saw 'Something...' today and it really did broke my heart, I couldn't sit peacefully so I just decided to 'write..' Writing always calms me down, it tames my daemons, it soothes the creases of my forehead. it makes me feel  alive again.
There was this 'Something...' I came across, 'Something...' that didn't belong to me, 'Something...' over which I have no right and that 'Something...' is tearing me apart. Occasionally taking deep breaths trying to fill my lungs with maximum air, in a feeble attempt to feel alright.
 Can I shout ? Can I scream? Can I laugh? Can I cry? or Can I just stop all this... anyhow, somehow. Pain can be beautiful too, it creates a void which gives me pleasure whenever I peep inside it. A painful pleasure....
There is 'Something...' dragging me away. 'Something...' which is staying which wasn't meant to. 'Something...' which is so wrong but that same 'Something...' feels so so correct. My eyelids feel heavy, I want to sleep peacefully, but 'Something...' keeps popping up in my mind preventing me from doing the same. 'Something...' keeps shattering the windows... whenever that reflection appears on its glass. Even this cozy and opulent bed fails to keep me warm I am cold inside out. Because there is 'Something...' else that is meant to give me that absolute pleasure and comfort.
The faint tickling sound of clock keeps reminding me that this will pass just the way everything else did. I hope that this 'Something...' passes soon. 'Something...' that came walking towards me and 'Something...' which changed it's direction before it reached me. I am trying hard, very hard to prevent this 'Something...' from becoming my everything....
Trying to gather my tattered pieces and standing as rigidly as I can. Because I can't let 'Something...' collapse me again... 'Something...' is not so powerful that it  takes away my soul and my happiness.
still I never knew that 'something...' could be so powerful, something that could shake the ground beneath me, and 'Something...' which could penetrate this endless sky above me.

I wish that this 'Something...' didn't exist
from-
('Something...' which is unimportant still feels extremely important)

A Dream

As she was eloped in her land of dreams.

Every time, a new word inside her gleams.

Without those dreams, life would not have been feasible.

As these were her desires, which were totally invisible.

                                                  

There she would unite with the one, who never actually existed.

Meeting him was something which she just could not resist.

Dreaming of him had become the best part of her day.

Every single day, they would cross each other’s way.

 Being captivated in his unconditional love.

They both were like a beautiful pair of turtle doves.

Getting lost in his aroma, held within his embrace.

She forever wanted to stay with him in this place.

This place was a bliss, and as serene as still water.

That immense love and passion was all he could offer.

They had that plethora of spark and fire in them.

After waking up, all those dreams she would condemn.

Even then, every time, she would eagerly fall asleep for him.

 And every single night she would commit the same sin.

This sin of being madly in love with this man.

His beats was her life, his breath was her fan.

He held her hand and promised to never let go.

That everlasting love for her how, he always showed.

But how scared was she of this love and dreaming.

Each morning she woke up with shrill cries, screaming.

Every breath, how much she lodged for him to be real.

At last she wanted to  be only happy, without any fear.

He too wanted to come out of her dreams, and step in this real world.

And then no one could ever part them, she would sleep in his arms curled.

Every single night they met, and every single morning they parted

They did not even realize when did all of this even started.

It was once as usual, when she wandered lonely in her dream land as always.

And she stopped at the very moment when this man had crossed her ways.

She was astounded how every time she got attracted to such mesmerizing gaze.

His eyes penetrated deep inside her soul, just like a morning’s sun’s rays.

His smile cures the greatest of all her pains and deepest wounds.

And every time that intensity and gleam in her eyes, he too gets consumed.

 He wanted to be in all parts of her life and not just of those unforgettable nights.

He wanted to witness her every breath, be with her in all her blacks and whites.

Alas…!  But he forgot, he was just an illusion of her, a thought and a dream.

And every night that would just pass,  like flowing water’s stream.            

Just thoughts..

Dear life,
 I am sitting here, typing to my heart's content. that's because today i forced my fingers to do some important job, that is WRITE SOMETHING. Because it seems like ages since i last sat and did some of this work.  After that last writing competition i won. (those people still haven't given me my winning certificate.. huh)
 Today I am happy I don't know why but I am and I wish this happiness stays long this time. That is because now finally this stupid boring life is falling in place. No, no I still don't have a boyfriend while all my friends tell me about their romance and their love life I just sit and stare my phone's screen while all of them 'type..'. they taunt me, tease me, and make fun of me because they are my best friends, they complete me in all seances. They give me the most stupid ideas about how to find the 'perfect one' but i dare not even give a thought about it. I think I am happy being single and just enjoy things. ;)
 finally realizing life is beautiful.
1. People are liking my writing work
2. Lost people are coming back home.
3. New friends
4. Old friends started playing an active part
5. Great life
6. EVERYTHING'S PERFECT.
Every day seems a bit different, I smile a bit more, I enjoy things more, and I live every moment. things are going great. Yes I do miss the good old days and my stupid self. Turning back and having a glance at life never did I realize so much has changed. I still have the fresh memory of 11th class and that STUPID school. The first day, some shocking memories and so much fun. People I met there are some of my closest friends today. Though that place was pathetic but i met the most perfect people there. My writing journey started there only how can I forget the most important gift of my  life. That time, that place, was the worst phase of my life but I got something really good and fruitful from the same place. WRITING being one of the things.
All these years passed since the school days, today something I remembered and without giving a thought started WRITING. this place this time this moment will pass just like everything else did. So I just decided to freeze this moment. sitting on my study table in comfy pajamas,  it's cold outside and inside too still i choose to wear no sweaters. that's because i am busy writing and typing. Wanting to freeze this moment in this chill and dark night. Occasionally staring the white walls of this room and thinking what to write next after every few sentences.
Now I have stopped running after happiness after I realized it was always within me, I never tried to look for it inside me, while I was busy searching for it everywhere. But never did I try to find the same within me. Now I have and I am at peace, because now realizing the fact that what is actually meant to stay will stay. and what's not meant to will not, no matter how hard i try. Life is like that we don't realize. You never know the very next moment what life has planned for us. But whatever it is its the very best for me... with a silent hope and eyes full of dreams here I close this short letter.
With lots of love to give
from-
(the lost girl, finally finding her way out :,> )