Here I was again tonight sitting and staring at this vacuum, in this piercing, dark and
cold night. I was sitting in this bar which was in the shabbiest corner of this
huge and confusing city. The moonlight seemed to comfort me in a queer
yet welcoming silence. I was surrounded by the most soothing yet haunted thing
of this world,’Memories’. I wanted to
shut down every possible feeling and door. I wrapped my pale fingers around the
neck of the cold beer bottle. This chilled beverage was providing me a painful pleasure. With every ounce of force that I had I lifted the bottle
up. It traveled about 1.5 seconds from the table before its rim kissed my dry
lips. The bitter liquid traveled from my mouth down to my stomach, going
through my esophagus at initial. The gulping sound was all that was audible to
me, I was so lost. Such was the quietness and such was the silence.
There was absolute
stillness around, apart from the occasional barking of dogs in this gloomy
night. The noise of their bark was the only source which reminded me of my
existence and that I was not dead. Yet. It’s the thing about memories they don’t leave you alone, OHH!! How I wish to erase each one of them. But
then I think this is the only source which always reminds me of something
extremely blissful that ever happened to me. Memories leave me drained each and
every time they visited like an unexpected and unwelcomed guest. The moments spent together with him were a
way too perfect, a way too soothing, and a way too difficult to forget. In turn all these accounts which were
extremely ‘Flawless and faultless’ made my existence, ‘punishing’ for my own
self.
Your memories do a thing to me; they leave me vulnerable.
The moonlight tonight has a tantalizing effect upon me it reminds me of all those
things we could be.Your husky voice is
much vibrant and alive in my mind after all these years; your eyes were
lustrous silver grey, just like falcon’s prey. After all this time things have
changed, nothing remained the very same. I am not as beautiful as I used to be,
time has degraded me completely. The grey locks are prominently lurking behind
the few black ones. My shrill energetic voice is now quiet shaky, I speak
much less, after you left. You were my
everything when you left I had within me absolutely nothing. Sometimes I wander lonely in that past which I thought would forever last. It’s the only place, the memory lane where I can be
with you as long as there are rhythms left in this fragile heart of mine. Some
unanswered questions, some unquenchable thirsts and some unlucky charm has put
such a distance between us. My thoughts are like these stars, so many and embedded in some dark closet like that
sky. You left a void in my life which seems impossible to heal, I tried to bury
the void many time but ended up creating a bigger one in the process. Without
you there is no start and no end of anything. This life has become a mere ring,
round and round and not reaching its end.
Time is slipping by extremely slowly.
I am waiting for some end and wanting to go to that place, to that world
where you now exist.
My decisions were wrong once my conscience whispered to me
in the middle of everything, that I had committed such a sinful crime. It was
that time when this lonely moon chooses to shine an ounce more and Falcons
decided to take the most fearless flight. Of course I knew I was wrong but then
he left me no choice, I guess this was the time when sword and sheath were at a
war with each other. The blood flowing
in these steel veins were filled with a courage the world had never witnessed
before. The softest whispers seemed like a sheen cry, the most mundane chaos
appeared to be the most exciting ones. The saddest part was there was no one with
me, all this while only this Falcon in the moonlight sitting on that branch
staring at me every night as if understanding the pain and its cause.
Here I was slowly closing some chapters of past memories’
album.
And again tonight i wanted to get lost somewhere staring at this very moonlight falcon.
